Woman in her 50’s. Married for 22 years. Divorced.
Marriage is a legal commitment. That’s it. The legality of living together.
I met my first husband in college. We lived in the same dorm. I didn’t know he was the person I wanted to marry. We ended up living in the same house because I was friends with his roommate. I invited his roommate to live with us and we started sleeping together and then I got pregnant. I married him because we decided I was having the baby and I wanted for him to be a part of it. By the time we were doing all those things, I figured rationally we should be married. It was the least romantic marriage ever. The fact that we made it 22 years is a miracle.
Woman in her mid 20’s. Married for 11 months.
Marriage is doing life with another person wholeheartedly even when its hard and even when its easy.
I would have done different things like traveling, but I moved states because of my husband and I am making things work. Eating dinner together, deciding what movie to watch, doing the deed, that’s always easy. The easy out weights the hard, which is always good. I don’t resent that I didn’t do my traveling, because in the grand scheme of things, I am happier now with what I chose. I don’t know if I’m just happy in my own skin or in my own life but I don’t feel like I’m in need of anything.
This is a woman in her early thirties.
The attempt to make a life together, happy, is what marriage should be. I strongly believe so. I am currently married. This is my second marriage.
Security is important to me. Knowing that you have to face life by yourself is hard. But this is not the reason that I got married. Maybe a little bit the first time. The first time I got married, I was young and stupid and very much in love. I thought back then it was a good idea. He was great and charming and wordly. I thought life by his side was always going to be great.
This is a woman in her early 30’s.
I´d say love and partnership is what marriage is to me. Humility. I don’t know if that’s the right term. But marriage for me has been a way to grow in ways I didn’t know I could. Recognizing my own faults, accepting them and moving on to become a better person with another person.
Partnership means to be equally united in our vision of fulfillment. We both want the same things in life. We both value the same things. We both want to make it happen for each other and our family.
It’s more than love.
33 years old male. Longest relationship was with my ex-wife of 6.5 year.
I hate to define marriage because it’s defined by whoever enters it so the two people that enter into the marriage are the only ones that define it. You don’t get into it for selfish reasons, you want to spend as much time as possible with this person and in doing so concessions are made on both sides so its as amiable as possible for both. Eventually it does become a joint identity.
I have no idea why people want to get married. They are under the illusion that it will fix something in the relationship, cultural pressure, so many reasons.
Chiquita 1 is 9 years old and single
Chiquita 2 is 12 and currently single as well. But going into 7th grade it will probably change.
“My friends and I are hoping to stay out of that (dating) until 8th or 9th grade because boys are weird. I think boys are weird because they are mostly immature and they think that they are cool when really they are doing something stupid. I think they become mature when they graduate college. Right now it would be more like a friendship vs. a romance. I think marriage is more comfort. Like if, if someone is feeling bad, the person they are married to will help them out and they are always there for them if they mess up. It’s not like the other person will be mad at them.”
The bottom line is that everyone wants the same things. People don’t accept that people change. They also don’t accept that they themselves change as well.
My decision to leave my marriage was a clear one. I was looking for a spiritual connection but my ex and I couldn’t fill each other’s needs that way. And that’s were the problem was. We expected each other to fill that need. But only you can fill your own needs. You are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings. Your emotions are not you. Our thoughts are not real…
Currently in my early 30’s. Was married for almost 10 years. Im an currently divorced, working as an artist entrepreneur and professor.
When I was younger I wanted to get married. I thought it would be a glorious, wonderful adventure. I have an overwhelming desire to connect. Since being divorced I realized marriage is not a necessity. I can live, survive and thrive without a partner. It’s a want and no longer a need.
Humans seek two things- pleasure and avoiding pain. So the person you are with either brings you more pleasure and more pain. That’s what happened in my marriage.
Some people say that women go through a big change around 27. Then another in their 40’s that could coincide with the 20 year part of marriage. It’s a time in your life when you could be prone to changing your mind about things. And we don’t talk about that.